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Chino en la Playa

25 Jan

Argentine commercial gold strikes again! Summer hits keep on coming, this time with “Chino en la Playa.”  You’d think a government operated program to promote summer tourism to the Atlantic Coast would abstain from creating an offensive, verging on racist, yet mildly funny campaign. Guess again.

Check out the series of videos (six in total) of the Chino en la Playa on the Argentine government’s website.

Snakes On A Bus

11 Apr

Police in the Santa Fe province of Argentina arrested a man who smuggled 670 reptiles onto a bus headed for Buenos Aires.  The reptile smuggler loaded boxes and bags filled with 444 boas, vipers and other snakes; 186 endangered tortoises; 40 lizards, and an armadillo.

Suspicions arose when two bags aboard the bus began moving around – when opened, snakes were found slithering around inside.  Police were terrified to open the boxes loaded below the bus in the luggage compartment, in fear of the poisonous reptiles. The accused smuggler spent three months trapping the little creatures in the town of Santiago del Estero, with intention to sell and send to Europe.




Of course I need a clip from my favorite Park Ranger, Brian Fellows.

Breaking News: Summer is back another year!

7 Jan

Move over MTV Spring Break and Wild On E!, Summer has hit the República! And you know what that means at all the local Argentine networks…. VAMOS A LA PLAYA!  Or a pool, or a fake beach with artificial sand, really wherever there are girls in bikinis.  Lucky correspondents and creepy cameramen have been counting down the days until the tight assed, thonged out, boluda screaming argentinas migrate to the beach to make their culos dance when the camera comes around. Each local news station dedicates about half of each show to the beach segments, forcing   sunbathers to parade in a circle and answer questions like, “do you have any tattoos?” “are your tits real?” and “what did you eat for lunch?”

It wouldn’t be complete without the inserted cheesy sound effects (boiiing), dangerous close ups on the female body, idiotic commentary about those close ups (EPAAA), and then re-watching it all over again on a nightly talk show where a “panel of experts” dissects the channel’s daily tush-montage.

“Todo Metido” Cameraman’s shadow right on the ass crack

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle in 2011

30 Dec

It’s the end of the year, a time to reflect on the past year’s events, wish loved ones a happy year to come, and bestow onto Mother Earth millions of tiny pieces of papers.  No, the photo above is not a sad attempt to simulate the holiday season’s snow.  According to Argentine tradition, on the last work day of the year it is customary to throw all unneeded documents out of the window to create a fresh start for the following year.  This ritual, similar to that of an angsty adolescent graduating from primary school, is one of the more silly spectacles I have witnessed in this country.

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Not to make a whopping generalization about an entire group of people, but porteños aren’t the most environmentally sound individuals.  The downtown remains littered for the days following the grand tossing of papers, apparently cleaning up the wasteful mess isn’t part of the tradition.

Maybe Jack Johnson should hold a seminar on The 3R’s…

Majority of the photos from

A Paraguayan education is waiting for you!

29 Dec

Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg knows the importance of a college education.  After dropping out of Harvard, he made the right decision to finally get his degree at Universidad Gran Asunción.

Crónica TV Video of the Day

26 Dec

Man on motorcycle gets in an accident with a taxi driver in Palermo, breaks his neck along with several other body parts, blood splatters everywhere causing quite the scene.  Luckily, the man gets comfortable, crosses his legs, and is able to give a full interview while lying on his back in the middle of the street. Gotta love Crónica to get right in there and cover the story.

RIP Pulpo Paul, even if you were a nazi

4 Nov

We all know the infamous Octopus Paul who correctly predicted the 2010 World Cup games.  According to the Huffington Post,  at a young 2.5 years old, Paul the Octopus (or Pulpo Paul in Spanish) died of natural causes. While the world was saddened by this loss, Argentine media sources claim that what many people may not know about lovable Paul is that he was, in fact, a nazi.

In July of 2010 TV Personality, Roberto Pettinato, took matters into his own hands to show all those Nazi Octopussies out there, or Octo-nazis, that the public will not stand for their authoritarian scare tactics denouncing Argentine fútbol (by saying the team will lose). “Your moment has arrived, you little Nazi octopus,”  proclaimed Pettinato, as he continued to liquify the pobre Pulpo Paul look-a-like (fast forward to 1:25).


Springtime Family Fun: Bailando por un caño

17 Oct

You know you’re in for quite a treat when an Argentine television show becomes controversial for being too risque. TV in this country, infamous for huge titty close ups and even bigger thonged out ass shots (and ridiculous sound effects – boooooing!), may have to re-think the content shown during prime-time hours on public stations.  Debate arose last month as to whether the “Pole Dancing” night on Bailando por un sueño (Argies paco’ed-out version of Dancing with the Stars) was too sexually explicit for the 9pm time slot, a time when many families sit together to eat dinner, talking about their day, and watch partially nude plastic surgery nightmares slut it up by having their partners pour champagne over their exposed chest.

Simulating soft-core porn too much for TV? What should the Argentine stations do to prevent these claims that the broadcast is verging on pornographic content? The answer, change the time slot by one hour to 10pm.  If Janet Jackson’s Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction or Bono’s Grammy F-Bomb upset FCC officials, imagine what shit would go down if they had to deal with this content.

WARNING, this video is NOT suitable for children… except for little Argies who watch Bailando Por un Sueño with the fam: Continue reading

CUL 0000

20 Jul

In Argentina, vanity license plates do not exist.  While local drivers have no choice of their license plates, some folks are awfully lucky…

Another ass, 000.

Che fat ass, get a nose job!

10 Jul

Argentines are known for being brutally honest.  The common extranjero may interpet this as utter rudeness, running home in tears after being called a major fatty.  Political correctness does not really exist compared to the out of control politically correct attitude in the US.  Gain a few pounds? Looking rough in the morning after a long night out? No need to worry!  I guarantee you’ll have several “friends” to call you out on it… “Estás más gorda! Qué estás comiendo?” *Basic translation: You are a fat ass, put down the fork and wire your double chinned jaw shut.

While you may think calling someone gordita (fatty), grandota (giant beast), negra (someone who is dark skinned), or china (Asian, or some with Asian features, or someone with curly hair?) isn’t very nice, it is used more as a “loving” term of a endearment.

Heading out to a costume party? Don’t be surprised if you see a number of inappropriate outfits, I’ve seen people dress in black-face, Nazi gear, and KKK robes.  In my opinion, there are two things at play here… those foreigners who are way too sensitive, and those Argentines who do not know when to shut it.

Asia de Cuba Halloween Party, 2006
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